If there's one thing that I should've learned a long time ago, which am still too stubborn to learn, it would be to let go -- just let go.

        I admit : I'm a very sentimental person, sometimes even more than what meets the eye. But yes, I have to admit it too, I can be careless and tactless, not knowing what I've actually done wrong. But hey, I'm human, so I can make mistakes, too, though I'm not saying that being human is a great excuse for making mistakes. It's just that, mistakes certainly are inevitable.

        Earlier today I was trying to look back on my life: have I been doing worthwhile things? Have I been wasting time?  Have I been studying well? Then, as I was listening to some music on my laptop, one certain line (or maybe two?) struck me:

        Have I LOST something? or someone?

        I think I have. It's been six months since this has been bothering me. It would sometimes slip my mind because of academic and org stuff, but when I spend time for myself and try to contemplate, this "thing" always pops up and creates a gloomy air around me. Then I end up being emo. But unlike emo's, I don't rant on things, blaming the world, and wanting to kill myself. Instead, I end up hating myself. I've lost a friend--or so I think. I don't know how it happened, but it seemed like our friendship simply was made to vanish by a magician. I couldn't let go-- well, who would? When I asked some friends for advice on this, they said that I shouldn't be too preoccupied with it, that if the person doesn't want to be friends with me, then just let go. But on another point of view though, some just told me to pray and hold on.

        So... to let go? or hold on?

        I chose to hold on. I may have done wrong, and up until now it's still a big question mark to me, but heck, if I had known about it in the first place, I would've fixed it right then and there. But I didn't. So, what now? It's simple really. Try to recall. Pray. Hold on. REACH OUT. Hope that the magician (which is God) would undo the trick (hopefully it's just a trick) and make our friendship re-appear. I think this isn't a matter of letting go -- like a worn-out shirt or stuffed toy our parents tell us to throw away. It's a matter of how long I could hold on and endure.

        I'm not letting go.

        Last week I was having a dilemma; and I've always hated having dilemmas. But I guess they're always part of life. It's just that, why can't we just be faced with only one path, not a forking path -- or paths? Why can't our destinies just be given out? So we can save time from the thinking process of "which is which"?

        But then again, what would the point in life be if everything had been laid out for us? What's the use of living if we had no choices, and skip the process of "learning from our mistakes"? Why stay here on Earth when there's no point of knowing which one to prioritize? There wouldn't be any spice in our lives.

        So here's the deal. I was having a dilemma whether I'd to go to the English field trip (Sept. 13) or otherwise, the Loyola Mountaineer's environmental activity -- that is, the CAREFOR Mindoro (Sept. 13-14). The field trip's going to be in Mt. Banahaw, and we would get the chance to take a dip in the "mystical" or "spiritual" river for only P600 (but transpo's not included). On the other hand, I'd get to plant trees in Mindoro, and at the same time get the chance to swim in the beach, for only P1100 in two days (inclusive of the transpo)! You might say I SHOULD go to the CAREFOR but I was still confused. I wanted to be with my Engish Block, too, you know; but then again, I wanted be with the Loyola Mountaineers. It was a hard decision which I finally came to decide upon.

        Whether I'd go to the field trip or not, I'd still have to make a reaction paper or analysis paper. So there wasn't much of a choice. I decided to be an environmentalist -- to join in the action in the reforestaion in Mindoro. At least, I'd be doing something good for the environment, right? I know the field trip was a school thing, and that I should prioritize it. But in the end, I thought about it and realized that I wanted to help the environment (knowing its constant situation right now which is not human friendly any longer). I'm not saying that the field trip's not important, for it is. But for some reason, the guts in me came to give me that decision.

        In the end, though, whichever path I'd take, I believe I'd still get to the place and situation I'm supposed to get to -- to pass whichever paper (reaction for field trip or analysis for non-field trip-pers) for our English requirement. But seriously, I really think that dilemmas were created to give us a chance to think for ourselves on what we want to do and what we want to be. And whichever path we take, it's sure to lead us to a better future -- or otherwise another dilemma to get us to the right track.

        God has planned them all.

        The Dormitory Inter-Athletic Competition (IAC) has just started its ball rolling last Saturday night, Aug. 30, with the cheerdance competition and the Tug of War game. Our team, the Red Alert didn't place in any of the two events; but we did, however, win something more than that.

        What's this that we won? Well, we won red paint all over our right arms! We won white paint all over our left arms. And we got two black thick black lines (like whiskers) on either side of our cheeks and super thick eye liner! Yes, we were all but clean. We we're the dirtiest, perhaps. And we didn't place in any game. Sucks to be us, right? Hmm. Not really! 'coz we got all the other teams to get bloody-red hands!! Apparently, the paint stained the rope we used, and consequently stained the other teams' hands!  We had the power!!

        Just kidding. (But they did get dirty. haha)

        But really, what we had was actually FUN. We won it without having to place in any of the games. And I'm pretty sure the other teams won them, too. We had tons of bonding moments and we actually formed a FAMILY (same goes for the other teams, right?). I know you might ask, "you formed the family JUST NOW?" Well, I'd say not really but we didn't get to bond with the upperclassmen THAT MUCH during the OrSem. So it was a good thing we have this IAC. We didn't just form friends, but we formed a family -- a family that will be here for me, not just until the end of the IAC, but also beyond that and our stay in the dorm.

        Isn't it damn boring to just stay inside the dormitory when the quietness of it is deafening?

        It's the long weekend. And it's coming to it an end. And what's ahead for us? or for me? Well, I have three midterms and one long exam which I haven't started studying totally with. Additionally, I have English and Lit reports to make, plus articles for our english magazine. We' re behind schedule.

        Anyway, the point is, I wasted my long weekend. It was the long weekend and I should've studied and dealt with my requirements then. But as I said, it was damn quiet and boring in the dorm that I just HAD to break the ice and go out on adventures. and I DID! Last Saturday, I went to UP Diliman, where a high school batchmate treated us to dinner because of her birthday, afterwhich we went to another birthday treat by an Atenean friend; I had my First Aid Training for the Loyola Mountaineers on Sunday; and I went ICE SKATING at SM Megamall on Monday and then on another birthday escapade at night. Today? Well, today was supposedly my studying day but sadly, I overslept and then I fell aslept again in the afternoon. I had barely studied.

        What more can get worse? Well, my parents are already disappointed and scolding me. I've been BAD. And I NEED a scholarship. :(

        LESSON? DON'T WASTE TIME! Time is precious, time is gold, blah blah blah. We've heard them all. We should save the fun and entertainment when we DESERVE it. Let's focus on the MUST and save the unnecessary stuff for later. Besides, we might as well devise a way to have fun as we go on with our responsibilities. And of course, let's not forget to ask God's guidance and blessings -- especially when we seem to stray away from our paths! (like how I did. tsk tsk tsk.)





        P.S.
        Lesson learned. I MUST APPLY THE to my life. Well, REMIND ME ALWAYS! :)

        My blockmate and I were chatting on YM earlier today and I was ranting about how high the pile of work I've got to do. He was saying that lab work was fun, and i was negating him simply because I'm bothered with how much work I got to do now.  I told him, "Buti ka pa! You're enjoying your job!" Then he said, "Not really. Nasisiraan na ako eh." But wasn't that a contradiction? So I answered, "But it's FUN, right?" Then his answer struck me:

        I was reading through the messages in my cellphone and read this quote sent by my friend:



        I know this sounds cliche. So let's scratch all the corny love lines in this quote and focus on just two lines here. Actually, the two lines just reminded me of something that recently happened.

        I actually fell asleep for about 5 minutes before I started writing this thing and suddenly woke up, thinking I was going to run a six-kilometer test run. But, hello? I just ran those six freaking kilometers! Well, technically it was a combination of walking and jogging. It can't be helped. Who in the world would run that distance in less or exactly 45 minutes?

        Probably the Loyola Mountaineers Applicants.

        Yes, obviously, I am an LM Applicant; it was all because of my brother who let me join this org. At first, I was hesitant and I even told my dad I wouldn't join that org because I wanted to go home during the semestral breaks. I told my friends I wouldn't join that org because I wanted to spend time with them. And I told them all those before I entered Ateneo.

        Soon enough, recruitment week came. And as unexpectedly as it may have seemed, I signed up for LM and even got my interview right then and there. Weird, right? What's more is that I am ACTUALLY WILLING to be in the org. Just imagine yourself hiking through mountains, seeing breath-taking views, learning how to survive in the outdoors, sleeping under the canopy of trees (or just the bare sky), ... It's just as amazing as sleeping for as long as you want -- no matter how ironic it may seem. Plus, mountaineering will not only keep us fit, but it will also take us to great heights, and literally!

        About the 6k test run I took, I got REALLY tired. We had to jog from de la Costa, around the Blue Eagle Gym, through Fr. Masterson Rd., then around the Bel Field, and then back to de la Costa for three rounds -- subtracting the jog around the Bel field on the third round. I was lucky my brother crossed paths with me and literally dragged me back to de la Costa on my third round just on time. Otherwise, I wouldn't have passed the test.

        Seriously, I think I really wouldn't have passed it without those factors I stated above. But apart from those, there is yet another thing that kept me going. Although it may sound corny, horny, or cliche, I think I had Mr. Determination by my back. Whenever I stopped jogging (i.e. I was walking), I would think about what loss I would get from stopping. I was thinking about why I joined the org in the first place (and No, it wasn't all because of my brother, for the choice to join laid on me). And I was actually thinking about what my brother would think of me and what his friends would think of me if I failed (conscious much?). With the thoughts running through my head and my body turning rather more limp, I resumed my jogging until I reached the finish line. And mind you, 6 kms was not a joke.

        That is exactly why I, or we, keep on going through life and school. We have goals, dreams, and aspirations. The things we care about become the driving forces that keep us going. These forces push us to the limit, even in our wildest imaginations. Determination is the key to getting what we want, and more importantly what we need. If we were scholars, we would of course study if we're determined to keep our scholarship; if we were varsity players, we would most certainly keep practicing if we wanted to stay in the team and uphold the really great name of our school; and if we were applicants, we would surely want to keep going, doing the best that we can and persisting on it, until we reach our goals and get accepted.

        As I have said, Determination is the key. Let us not depend on hopes alone.

NOT MY BLOG ENTRY FOR THE WEEK!

My English professor let me read this out loud in class when he returned my essay. He said I'm a superhero (haha). A lot were laughing.
WARNING: Exaggerated information will be read. Do not believe everything. :)



        If you think Elastic Girl of The Incredibles is flexible enough -- think again. I have pledged the Elasticity Oath of the Flexibles and curently top of the class. I am THE Master.

        I can bend my fingers to make soothing music -- or better yet, noise! The piano is but a mere slave to me. Seriously, it can follow my lead! Now, isn't that amazing? But that's not all; as they say in TV shows selling cosmetics, "But wait! There's more!"

        Dancing is a passion. I can flex and bop to any move I wish. And depending on the energy level I posses, I can make the dance floor change to the desired texture and mood of the dance. And blieve it or not, I can dance even in my sleep! So who said sleeping is when your body is at rest and relaxed? But if you must insist, then I shall define my rest and relaxation as dancing in my sleep. And since I'm more relaxed at that point, I might as well sleep all the time, right? This is the very reason why studying of making homeworks the night before it's due is a sin. But since I'm a sloth, which is yet another sin, I do not study in advance. Well, who does? So here comes yet another call of flexibility: CRAMMING.

        Cramming is definitely not a torture. It's not despicable. It's awesome. If you haven't seen its beauty, let me give you a picture of it: PARADISE -- a place where you can do multitasking at an amazingly short time! And my dearest reader, that is how flexible I am.

        And I believe, that is just what I need for this subject. Besides, I do dream and believe to survive -- merging reality and fantasy: flexibility.


Sir Miggy's comment:
I hope you're flexible enough to survive my inflexibility. Just kidding. Flexibility is a virtue.


This was originally posted in my multiply/blogger. :)

New blog! New entries! :)

Thanks to English 11, I am OBLIGED to blog! I miss blogging; at least now, I'm required to do so (haha). But the problem with this requirement is that I sometimes have a hard time looking for a topic. (By the way, please help me come up with a topic for my first entry!!!)

Another thing, I don't blog here in livejournal -- well, not until now. Maybe I'll allot this blog to English 11 alone (or not?). Because I usually blog in blogspot and multiply but they're cross-posted. Comments are usually read and replied in my multiply. :)

Anyway, this is just to formally "open" this new journal *throws the ball into the air* *clap clap clap*


haha.crap. :)